A Small Piece on the Disadvantages of Crochet Bikinis
The wonderful thing about crocheting is that you can make almost anything your little heart desires. The field, however, has taken this bold claim just a little too far with the following item. Imagine how good it will feel this summer to strut your stuff along the beach in your own handmade crochet bikini. You're imagining? Got the fun, attractive, carefree picture in your mind? Good. Now drop that image because it's as far from the reality of crochet bikinis as you can get. Yes, in theory, there are a number of seemingly valid advantages to this project. Crochet bikinis come in a variety of styles for you to choose from. Do you prefer to wear a halter-top, tube top, or maybe the more modest tank top? Bottoms range from the standard size briefs, and go up to shorts briefs, and down (and I mean way down) to string. You even have a choice of shapes you can try out for your crochet bikini.
Triangle is the typical trend, though a fun style that is up and coming is the circular crochet bikini. There's so much you can do with this one. You can simply crochet a string of circular pieces together, or, use different sized circle combinations. For the more contemporary-styled crocheters, there is the square crochet bikini. It's fun and easy, but still chic`. If you are really out to make heads turn, the spider crochet bikini is the only choice for you. This bikini uses web-like strands to connect the front and back pieces (and the two cups on top), while the actual suit is usually crocheted in solid mesh. The ultimate, though, in risqué beach attire is the open and closed mesh crochet bikini. This style needs no further explanation. Other options in crochet bikini land are the gauge size, and tightness or looseness of your stitch. Colors will vary along with personality type, as well.
So, yes, it seems that crochet bikinis are a must for any beach goer. But wait. While the ease of making them and the, ahem, unique tan line they can deliver do have their appeal, crochet bikinis lose BIG points in the practicality department. Crocheted pieces are made of yarn or thread that is very often soft and comfortable over other clothing or on more weathered body parts. I think, though, that you will be hard pressed to find a thread that doesn't send you into epileptic fits of itching when placed directly against the more private areas of the body.
The concealment, or complete lack their of, factor is also to be considered. Regardless of the stitch, gauge, and yarn used, the majority of these suits can hardly cover much more than the size tag they could be sporting! Most convincing, though, of all the arguments against crochet bikinis would have to be the following scenario. (If you don't take my advice, and swear off of crochet bikinis after this story, I have only five words for you: get back to your football-this article is for women, only!) Imagine, just imagine, boldly walking along the beach, hair whipping in the wind, suntan oil glistening in the midday sun. Now imagine looking down, suddenly, to find your very own, handmade crochet bikini, quickly unraveling before your own (and everyone else's) eyes! I for one would probably go into hiding for a few years, or, at best, revert to a lumberjackesque style of dress for the rest of the summer. Good enough argument? I rest my case.
So before you go out in your freshly crocheted bikini, perhaps ask yourself if you're really interested in interviewing for the next VS catalogue on your day at the beach. A quick look in the mirror may reveal that you are revealing much more than you are willing. (In which case, these lovely crochet bikinis double as great coasters!)
In short, perhaps to save yourself the likely embarrassment of the above happenstance, or any other awkward, compromising, or down right humiliating situation, you should consider crocheting a hat, instead. There are wonderful patterns out there, and think about it, what's the worst that'll happen if your hat comes undone? A little bit of hat hair is certainly better than having to streak across your favorite beach!
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| June 26, 2019
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